I’ve just poured myself a shot of scotch and I am raising a toast to Frank. He died seven months ago today and I only just remembered this evening. I’ve been so busy with landscape work today that it took me all day to even notice the date. And when I did my eyes instantly welled up and my heart hurt in what seemed to be a profound way. How has that much time even passed???
I make an effort every single day to move forward with my life, to be positive and enjoy the here and now. But the reminders of my life with and without Frank, like anniversaries, sometimes suck. With the reminders come a mixed bag of emotions. I’ve talked about this before but I haven’t found a satisfactory way to handle it yet, I just sort of roll with it. If anyone has a better idea – bring it on. Seriously.
What I have the most trouble with is reconciling whatever new happiness I may experience – regardless of what that happiness is related to – with the fact I don’t have Frank to share it with. Because the first person who pops to mind whenever something good happens is Frank, I want to talk to him and tell him all about it, whatever that ‘it’ is. Maybe that’s normal because we were together so long and maybe it’s okay.
I hope to share my life with someone eventually, but because Frank comes to mind first and foremost when things happen, is that fair to that future someone?
For that matter, is it really even an issue now and perhaps I should truly just keep rolling with it as I have been? I don’t really know what SHOULD be happening so maybe this IS what should be happening. I’m so confused – and I know it’s not from the scotch. Which, by the way, I’m going to have another little sip of.
Good night.
Cancer - Uncensored 
Rolling with it is the way to handle it. If you couldn’t cope at all I’d be worried. I don’t worry about you, your strength, your good heart and good sense will always serve you well.
Kitten – Sometimes I wish an instructional book existed for those of us experiencing grief and such huge emotional changes in their lives. It would have exactly what we needed to know to handle any given situation -“If this happens, then do this.”. As you can see, the logic side of my brain occasionally gets in the way of reality.
As always your kind words make me smile and give me reassurance that I’m on the right path, a bumpy one sometimes, but the right one none the less.
P.