Holidays – Uggh

I was doing pretty well this summer healing from the loss of Frank, then fall appeared along with the realization that all of the holidays are coming up. We loved the holidays, Frank and I – starting with Halloween. We would decorate the wrought iron railings on the front steps with orange lights and some green little Frankenstein lights. We’d put orange light bulbs in the outside lights and we’d always have carved pumpkins complete with candles on the front steps. I’d also decorate the windows with those plastic window clings – pumpkins, witches, ghosts and put fake cobwebs on the bushes. And now? I can’t bring myself to do it. Though I did buy three pumpkins and I suppose I’ll carve them this coming weekend but my heart just isn’t in it.

Then Thanksgiving will follow Halloween and though my cousin has invited me out to her place, and I’ll go, but it’s going to be so odd without Frank. Traditions that were once a part of my life with Frank are now gone. Poof. Just like that.

Yesterday afternoon I spent three hours in bed with the phone off the hook and my cell phone off – maybe it was a pity party – crying my eyes out thinking about the various holidays, especially Christmas and what that will be like this year. My initial, irrational thought was that I would skip all of the holidays altogether, just hide out here in my little house and be a hermit. Then when January hits I’ll come back out, ready to be me again. Or whoever the me is that I am now.

One of the problems with Christmas is that I already know I don’t really want to have a tree because I can’t use OUR ornaments. There is no more Frank and Patty, no more US. All of the decorations and ornaments are OURS. And Christmas was HUGE for us. While lying there on the bed yesterday I envisioned opening the door to the little closet downstairs that houses all of the Christmas stuff and I nearly went into panic mode. My breathing literally sped up and as I was crying at the same time I found myself almost unable to take a breath. To bring out the containers that house a collection of ornaments that we bought each other over the last 14 years – no way in hell. In fact, of all the ornaments and Christmas decorations that are down there, 90% – if not more than that – were bought during the time we knew each other.

I find no comfort or joy in going to chop down a tree – which we always did the Friday after Thanksgiving, and I feel nauseous at the mere thought of decorating one. How can I put up ornaments that say things like “Our First Christmas 1995″ or the ones we bought on our vacations that held special meaning for us? Or the ones we bought each other every year? That was a tradition we started the first year and it helped us build a wonderful assortment of ornaments and fabulous memories. It started out that we’d buy each other one ornament each year but after the first year or two it was always multiples.

Before this year for 14 years of holidays it was all about ‘us’, Frank and Patty. Now I have to learn how to accept that it’s only me this year. I really don’t want to put the Christmas lights on the house or the garage or the Merry Christmas sign that lights up on the picture window or the holiday lights on the bushes. I am trying to convince myself that it would be okay to buy a little artificial tree and a few new ornaments that are just mine and mine alone. Nothing big, nothing extravagant, but something that would help me ease into the holidays easier with less emotional impact.

I want and need to have a new ‘first’ with the holidays, but additionally and perhaps more importantly I have find a way to give myself permission to do that because right now I feel like it would be wrong to do so.

Uggh.

 

Bite Me, GE Capital

I haven’t been able to get this off  my chest, so naturally the best thing for me to do is write a post about it.

Friday, September 24, 2010, 8:42 am

The phone rings and it’s an 800 number. I answer it because I’m trying to get solicitors to stop calling, so I answer to ask them to remove me from their calling list.

Me: Hello?

Them: In a recorded voice-”Hello, we are looking for the person who is handling the affairs for the late Frank (it states his middle initial and last name), if you are the correct person, please press one. If not, please press two.”

Me: I press one and wait. And wait. And wait. At least five minutes pass and I was just about to hang up when the recorded voice came back.

Them: “We’re sorry, we cannot connect you at this time to the representative assigned to your case. Please call us back at xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

Me: I hang up and I do NOT call them back at the number they asked me to.

Why? Well, my gut reaction was:

Are you kidding me? What kind of scam is this? You want me to call YOU? It’s almost 7 months since my husband passed away and I get this call? Frank had no will, no estate, no assets, no debt. Everything was in my name when he died with the exception of  one small debt, about $300 that through my conversations with GE Capital, I was told I didn’t have to pay it as my name was not on the account. That conversation occurred back in April.

The more I thought about it the more I wondered if there was something legitimate about the call. Could it possibly relate to that piddly $300 bucks with GE Captial? Or was it a scam? I felt the approach taken to contact me was suspicious and there had been a recent article in our local paper about collection agencies calling grieving family members to pressure them for payment of debts of the deceased. I wanted confirmation so I called a relative who is professional debt collector. She’s been doing it for years and she knows the rules and regulations inside and out. I thought she could check out the phone numbers and see if I’m right; if it has to do with the GE Capital account and if so, what do I do?

The Reality

M calls the number given to me and finds out that yes, they are a collection company and are calling on behalf of GE Capital about that minuscule debt. They “just” want to see if there is an executor they can talk to about the debt in order to settle it. M tells me that legally they cannot collect from me on a deceased account because one, I am not the executor (no one is, there is NO will) and two, it isn’t a joint account. In fact, she was surprised they were even trying since the amount is so small, they usually don’t do that because there’s nothing in it for them. She told me I had to call this collection company because they wouldn’t tell her anything else without my permission.

M also tells me that even though the collection company will likely do an estate and asset search, they are limited to what they can even search for. Frank clearly doesn’t have an income…he’s DEAD, his name does not exist on any documents anymore other than his death certificate because… he’s DEAD. I’m fairly livid at this point in time because just the thought of having to do this makes me positively ill.

I called this collection company and sure enough, they are going to do a search. I explained to the man I spoke with that there is no executor, Frank died with no assets to his name. He said if they need to, they’ll get back to me. Huh. Two days late I get a document in the mail explaining all of this (and more) and there is so much gobblydeegook in that I’m going to have M look it over. I’m not an idiot but I need to be sure I’m not going to be sued in any way, and the way things are phrased on the document, who the hell can tell?

So now?

I’m still pissed. Very pissed. Here I’m trying to move along in my life, adapting to the changes I experience on my new journey. I’m enjoying my life in a true way for the first time in two solid years and I have to get this call NOW, the one related to an issue I was told was CLOSED? Seven months after his death. Where’s the karma here? What have I done to deserve this?

As a rule I am one of the most upbeat, positive, optimistic people you will ever meet. But this situation absolutely burns me. I’m trying to keep a smile on my face every day but sometimes it’s really hard to fake my feelings when I think about how unnecessary this situation is. And until it’s finally resolved, I know that’s how I’ll continue to feel.

How on earth could GE Capital think that going after a lousy $300 debt is worth it? The collection agency gets a portion and there are an amazing number of people involved, I’m pretty sure it would be like getting fifty cents in the CEO’s pocket after all is said and done. Even M said it’s a pretty worthless debt to chase, it certainly wouldn’t ever make it to court. The powers that be at GE Capital should be ashamed of themselves.

What bothers me to the core is that each time a situation arises that involves Frank, it’s a harsh reminder of all I’ve lost.

 

 

Self-Help Me

I bought books.

Necessary books.

I’m feeling the need for a little self-help.